Friday, December 30, 2005
Happy Birthday to Princess Gwen!
Hail to the Queen!
Hail to the King!
Hail to Princess Gwen!
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Please Lucas, Don't Sue Us
Reason #1 to Rent
Last night the agent of D.A.D.D.Y. spent several hours attempting to unclog the clog in the toilet. First with the plunger. That didn't work. So next the agent took a trip to the Wonderful World of Wally. At the WWW, he looked for a toilet auger (aka a toilet snake). There was no such beast to be found and thus the agent thought to make a trip to the Depot of Home. Unfortunately, the Depot of Home was closed as it was past 10 PM.
After another hour of the original agent wrangling with the Toilet of Terror, the agent of M.O.M.M.Y. called the OTHER Wonderful World of Wally (as there are 2). They had the beast and thus the agent of D.A.D.D.Y. was off to the OWWW where he purchased said 3 ft beast for $6.
Another 2 hours later, there was progress. The ToT was now draining, every so slowly. With much frustration, the agent resigned himself to bed. It was 1:35AM.
Now we come to this morning where the agent of D.A.D.D.Y. called upon the LandLord.
Quick as a flash (20 minutes), the LL have the Landloard Handy Man (LHM) over. LHM pulled out the big gun (a 6 ft beast) and the even bigger gun (a 9 ft beast). Alas, the big guns failed. Unpeturbed, LHM began to remove ToT from the floor. 30 minutes later, the culprit was found.
Please keep the culprit a Secret.
It took another 30 minutes to crush the culprit into submission and extract it from its new home. As of 10:45 AM, the ToT has been conquered and clean-up has begun.
The agents of M.O.M.M.Y. and D.A.D.D.Y. hope that you had a good morning and that you remember this as REASON #1 to RENT.
FYI : If our little Secret had not been crushed and removed. The cost of the replacement toilet bowl is $150.
PS : Although this is the first time the agents of M.O.M.M.Y. and D.A.D.D.Y. have been confronted with our little Secret, LHM has faced off with him on many occassions.
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
After a careful search of the facility, all that was found was CH's towel. After another search CH was found chuckling in the window spreadeagle in his birthday suit for the entire world to see. He giggled and held onto the window frame while the agent of D.A.D.D.Y. removed him from the window.
30 mintues later, CH is once again dressed and is now in Hysteria hibernation.
Word of the Day : BEAUBUTTON
beaubutton (bo' but en) noun
used in a sentence "I can see the beaubutton on your tummy."
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
As far as we can decipher, Hysteria is this sing song language where almost everything has a songlike quality. There is Daaaa-Deeee Daaaa-Deeeeee which is used to summon the agent of D.A.D.D.Y. The is Noooo-Ohh-Ohhh which equates to NO in English.
If you are familiar with Superman, then you might be familiar with BizarroSpeak. With BizarroSpeak what you think you are saying in English is the exact opposite. So if you say, "Don't close the door," what you will get is Princess Gwen slamming and locking the door. If you say, "Don't ask me again," then PG will ask you at least 3 more times.
Now KenzieSpeak is the most bizarre of all the languages because it vaguely resembles English however you just don't understand stand it. An example would be: "I don't want to watch Poppins more. I want to watch Man Tel." This clearly means is "I don't want to watch Mary Poppins any more. I want to watch Man Tel."
WHAT IS MAN TEL? I don't know, so let's ask.
YOUR HUMBLE REPORTER: Man Tel?
QUEEN McKENZIE: Uh huh
YHR: You mean Montel? (Maybe the Montel Williams Show)
QM: No, Man Tel. The movie ... the moss who trying to find his famlee.
QM: Yes, Man Tel : The movie with the moss.
YHR: Moss? What's a moss?
QM: Moss? It has a tel?
YHR: Tel? Oh.. A tail! Man Tail?
QM: Yes, A Man Tail!
YHR: A Man Tail? Not Man Tel ....
YHR: OH!!! American Tail with Fivel, the mouse who is trying to find his family.
Saturday, December 24, 2005
Queen McKenzie, Princess Gwen, and Captain Hysteria would like to wish every HAPPY HOLIDAYS. Be safe and we'll be back with more adventures of CH and the lovely ladies on Monday, 27 Dec 2005.
Friday, December 23, 2005
Where's the Brain?
Queen McKenzie : I have bones in the there.
YHR : And where is your brain?
QM: (point at her privates) Down here.
22 Dec 2005
So all in well in the land ... for now.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
"I Have the Power!"
Queen Kenzie and Captain Hysteria (as well as Princess Gwen) were introduced to the world of Eternia with the Best of DVD. They have now moved on to the first 33 episodes.
If you are familiar with the opening of the Masters of Universe, then you know that right before the show Skeletor, Adam transforms to He-Man and then after transforming Cringer into Battle Cat, punches at the screen. This has apparently been burned into the minds of CH and QK as they are now performing this every 22 minutes (when the next episodes starts). They punch the screen and fall over laughing every 22 minutes before being mesmerized by He-Man once again.
He-Man is magic and now "I Have the Power!" to keep CH at bay.
He-Man is CH's kryptonite.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
The Princess of Dolynn Comes Crashing Down
Having violated the law of the Land of House by willfully bouncing on Car in the Land of Kidroom, the Princess was once again placed on house arrest in the Land of Dolynn. Not following the rules of the house arrest, PG decides to visit the realm of Dresser to access the books within.
There is no peace in the land today ...
The agent of D.A.D.D.Y. was visiting the land of Bath while CH, Queen McKenzie, and Princess Gwen of Dolynn were playing in Kidroom. The agent heard a thump followed by a chuckle and when the agent looked up he saw a pool of white liquid emerging under the door. As quick as possible the agent rushed to door to find CH smiling and pouring the agent a nice tall cup of milk. The cup poured was so tall that it flowed over the physical cup unto the carpet and under the door into the land of Bath.
With a smile CH looks up. With the clearest of sing-song voices, he sings "Clean up, clean up, everybody clean up," and dashes to grab a paper towel.
Monday, December 19, 2005
The Adventures Continue
Captain Hysteria hasn't been very hysterical today. CH has been rather subdued. The most action going on today is CH closing himself into Kidroom and needing assistance to free himself fromt he land of Kidroom. He is currently being mesmerized (once again) by the antics of Rick Moranis in the movie "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids."
It is my humble opinion that CH and Queen McKenzie are saving themselves for a huge adventure later with Princess Gwen. So if you see a mushroom cloud in the sky, rest assured that CH, QM and PG are the cause.
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Nuking the Bear of Care
Nuking the Bear of Care
In the land of Kenzie, the queen has taking a special liking to the Bears of Care. These special animals spend there time spreading love and friendship by staring the world via their little tummies. The Queen of Kenzie is so taken by these creatures that she has been known to roam about and occasionally sticking out her tummy to stare an occassional grumpy gus.
Queen Kenzie love of the BoC is aided and abetted by Nona. Nona is a veteran agent of M.O.M.M.Y. who made it her goal to share the BoC with Queen Kenzie, Princess Gwen of Dolynn, and our beloved Captain Hysteria. Last year (or maybe the year before) right about this time, Nona delivered to Queen Kenzie the BoC of Song. BoCoS filled the land with such tunes as "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" and "The Wheels on the Bus." BoCoS had always sang on cue (as it was supposed to), however over the last few months, BoCoS had become possessed and sang whenever it desired.
After rediscovering the possessed BoCoS, Captain Hysteria developed a kinship with this particular BoC. It causd CH much distress that BoCoS would not perform on cue. Realizing that throwing BoCoS across the room was not fixing said malady, CH decided to take a more high tech approach.
CH slipped past the agents of M.O.M.M.Y. and D.A.D.D.Y. and into the room of Kitch. The room of Kitch, he grabbed the chair and popped in front of Mike Wave and in went CoBoS.
Friday, December 16, 2005
Agents of W.I.P.E. and D.I.A.P.E.R.S : Do Not Apply
You see, D.A.D.D.Y. is made up of a group of eternal optimists. By default they give everyone the benefit of the doubt. This is their tragic flaw.
In the land of Bath, home of Potty, CH hops onto PottyLid and peers into the depths of PottyLake. He peers further and futher and further until ....
In swing the agent of D.A.D.D.Y. saving CH from dunking his head into PottyLake. Tragedy averted CH is introduced to PottyJr.
CH realizes that PottyJr is a close cousing to the Lesser Chair and thus begins to haul PottyJr into Kidroom. The devilish plot is once again foiled by D.A.D.D.Y. and PottyJr was returned to the Land of Bath.
I Spin It for You
"Help! Help!" Cried the Ceiling Fan
Lulled into a false sense of security, the agent dropped his guard and out came Monkey. You see, monkey is a denizen of Kidroom which causes all sorts of terror. His mere presence causes fights and screaming. Today, however, Monkey is working in tandom with CH and the Queen of Kenzie. It seems that Monkey and CH and the Queen have found their way in the headquarters of M.O.M.M.Y. and D.A.D.D.Y. because HQ is the home of the Fan in the Sky.
Monkey and CH are determined to reach FitS with the help of Bed and Clothes Basket while Queen McKenzie cheers. CH stood atop CB which is poised on top of bed with Monkey in hand and SWOOSH! BANG! PLOP! Monkey flew through the air, hit FitS and dropped to the floor.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
CH returned Milk to the land of Fridge and picked to Chocolate Syrup to return him as well ... however, at that time his brilliant plan from before struck him again ... but this time on a largwer scale. Grabbing bowl, CH liberates the chocolate ooze from it's containment unit and into the bowl. In swoops the agent of D.A.D.D.Y. (who had been momentarily distracted and [foolishly]trusted CH to fulfil his mission) saving the snazzy SUPERSUIT from being smeared in chocolate ooze.
Queen McKenzie has now found her and and washed it clean in the bathroom. She returns to find the Milk is missing for the land of Floor and releases the Great Banshee Scream of the Queen. Seeing her unhappiness, CH is off to Fridge to return with Milk ... thereby ... once again saving the day. Queen McKenzie received her Chocolate Milk with the help of the agent of D.A.D.D.Y. and all is well once more ....
Until next time...
DTL and the Agents of W.I.P.E.S. and D.I.A.P.E.R.
... to attack the Dreaded Torch Lamp.
See the agent of M.O.M.M.Y. decided to save the lives of future bulbs by not giving them enlightening via the DTL. However, she failed to save the previously injured bulb, so it has become CH's mission to save the injured bulb from the great heights of DTL. Just as DTL came crashing to towards the ground, the agnet of D.A.D.D.Y. saves our injured pal from shattering his life. With a brief smile, CH is off once again to save a citizen of Fridge.
You see, Fridge is a land populated by CH's favorite friends. There is Milk and Chocolate Syrup which bolster CH's powers. However, their is also D.A.D.D.Y.'s greatest nemesis. Her name is Margie. Margie and CH go way back. He's saved from the box. He's saved her from the tub. this time, however, D.A.D.D.Y. has placed her in the Flappy Bin of Disappearance. The FBoD is a little area near the top of Fridge beyond the reach of CH. However, with the help of climb, CH once again saves Margie and is off once again to Kidroom where he enters the Fortress of Futon Mattress.
The Fortress of Futon Mattress is a favorite haunt of CH because he is out of the immediate view of the agents of M.O.M.M.Y. and D.A.D.D.Y. It's an area of Kidroom which is a constantly changing blackhole. Things go in there and they disappear. Margie went in, so and agent of D.A.D.D.Y. followed to insure her retrieval. Margie was found in the clutches of the smiling CH and was successfully free.
Now the agent of D.A.D.D.Y. has called in the Hazardous Waste Team and the agents of W.I.P.E.S. and D.I.A.P.E.R. are descending upon our hero.
More to come ...
At this crucial stage, the agents of D.A.D.D.Y. step in and confiscate the Chair of Great Height. Not swayed at all from his duties, CH takes off and spies the Chair of Lesser Height. Using the Chair of Lesser Height, CH frees 2 citizens from the Dreaded Bread Bag of Plastic and zooms off into the wilderness of Kidroom to release the citizens fend for themselves in the land of populated by ELMO, COOKIE and the others the roam in the wilderness of Kidroom.
The Morning Shoe Crisis
What's that we hear? It's Captain Hysteria!!! In he swoops and grabs the boots to whisk them away to the queen. Now all is okay in the land of Kenzie as the queen and CH share a slice of bacon before being whisked out into the Land of the Freezing Rain.
What lies next for our hero ... only time will tell as he heads out with the agents of M.O.M.M.Y. and D.A.D.D.Y. with Queen McKenzie into the Land of the Freezing Rain.
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Stay tuned for the future adventures of ....
In a Startling Turn of Events ...
He approaches your noble reporter with chocolate on his fingers. The reporter bends down to observe the little mena ... hero and the Chocolate Fingers of DOOM are shoved into the mouth of the reporter as the "Daddy. Daddy. Daddy" song begins and CH goes off to bother the Great Animal Music Band.
While tormenting the Great Animal Band with the Block of Chocolate (which has now become a Hat of Chocolate), CH decides to try his great chocolatety plan again. Caught in the act by M.O.M.M.Y. , CH flees with great chocolatety Hysteria speed.
CH has now returned to let loose the great Hysteria cry and let fly the Great Hysteria Cup followed by the banshee scream of Hysteria. Unsnapping his Hysteria unitard, he flashes his Hysteria pecs honed from 2 years of great acts of Hysteria. The Agent of M.O.M.M.Y. delivers the Great Cup of Hysteria and a quiet falls on the land.
This Just In ...
His other nemesis is the 7-year old 25" TV. Several months ago, he sucessfully dimmed it to just a line after several days of pulling it off of its little cart. Since then it's sat there on its little cart (now by the door) safe from the Wrath of CH.
The Dreaded Torch Lamp
Look up above. Yes ... up there. You see that? This is Captain Hysteria's new enemy ... THE DREADED TORCH LAMP (DTL).
See DTL is a lamp that uses the common everyday light bulb, but when the light bulb comes together with the lamp, it becomes DTL and is a menace to all that is dark. CH (Captain Hysteria) is determined to take out DTL so everyday after running to the fridge for his morning cup of milk (got to stay healthy) CH takes on DTL.
Today DTL has lost yet another battle, but was not left shattered, so he will return to shine his light once again.
CH's bulb tally for this week is 5.
2 shattered and 3 simply with broken filament.
He just took out another bulb (those dastardly villians) this morning. Excuse me while I go buy stock in a light bulb company.
It All Started with a Simple Sticker
This is Nesta who shall forever be known simply as ...
Let the adventures begin ...
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