Monday, January 30, 2006


Why Is It that ...

... the ability to remove the agent of D.I.A.P.E.R. isn't accompanied by the ability to visit the land of Bath?

... the ability to climb up isn't accompanied by the ability to climb down?

... the ability to open the fridge door isn't accompanied by the knowledge that a galloon of milk is too heavy to remove from said fridge?


... Captain Hysteria asks for a beverage only to refuse to drink it, throw it at you, then pick it up and drink it like CH accepted from the beginning?

Friday, January 27, 2006


Sweet Revenge

Captain Hysteria cup in hand pushed the rolling chair over to the refridgerator. CH opens to the freezer door and let's out the cry for ice cream. The agent of D.A.D.D.Y. ignores the cries of CH and tells CH to get off the chair. CH climbs off the chair and pushes it back in place. CH walks over to the the agent and throws the cup at the agent. CH screams, "I want ice cream,"and runs.

Amazed by the event that just transpired, the agent just sat there staring at the cup that flew by him.

CH runs back into the room. "I want cup"

The cup is now out of CH's reach.

Revenge is sweet.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006



Queen McKenzie: D.A.D.D.Y., can I have something to eat?
Agent of D.A.D.D.Y.: Queen McKenzie, you just had cereal.
QM: But I need something to eat.
AoD: Cereal is soemthing to eat.
QM: No , it's not

The agent shakes his head because he knows that arguing with Queen McKenzie is pointless. But QM get nothing more to eat so she changes the subject...

Queen McKenzie: D.A.D.D.Y., can I have something to drink?

... and it begins anew.

Monday, January 23, 2006



HysteriaSpeak: I want cheese
Translation: I want to play with one of the cameras that Queen McKenzie and Princess Gwen got from Santa.

Thursday, January 19, 2006



The agent of D.A.D.D.Y. had errands to run this morning, so he was not at his normal spot in front of the computer. Queen McKenzie awoke and ran straight to the computer to climb into the agents lap as this is what QM does every morning. Alas, the agent was not there. Into the agent's headquarter QM looked and he was not there. Into the bathroom? Nope. All the around the house QM ran in search of the agent as nothing else would serve QM's needs. When ...

... in through the back door walks the agent who is then greated by the smiling queen.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006


Hysteria Night

It's been a long night for Captain Hysteria as he decided that he just wasn't going to go to bed. Everyone else was asleep so the agent of D.A.D.D.Y. was left with the task of putting CH down. Not being one to go quietly, CH decided to go into Kidroom and in the darkness enter the land of Dolynn. Not being able to find his way out of the land of Dolynn, CH let out the HysteriaWail so the agent would come running lest the Queen and Princess be awakened.

Now exiled from the land of Dolynn, CH decides to create a pool for a toys in a bowl in KitchenSink. Hearing the splashes the sluggish agent comes in to foil the nefarious plans of Ch once again.

After sitting quietly with the agent (aka screaming and kicking while the agent tries to put him to sleep), CH cries for the agent of M.O.M.M.Y. This agent is (of course) fast asleep so CH climbs into bed with her. While sitting on the bed, the Evil Dr. Alarm Clock smiles at CH. Aware of EDAC nefarious plan to wake everyone from sleep in the morning, CH grapples with EDAC. The struggle catches the attention of the agent of D.A.D.D.Y. and he rescues EDAC from the hand so f CH.

Not having thwarted the plans of EDAC, CH decides to rescue Picture from the Vile Crate of Doom. The Crate of Doom sits beside the agent of M.O.M.M.Y.'s computer and is filled with various and asundry items such as inhalers and a Polaroid camera and stickers and various other items that CH must continuos save. CH fights a never ending battle against the CoD and tonight CH won as CoD came crashing to the floor.

Having once again been reprimanded by the agent CH once again slithers from the agent's grip (i.e. kicked and screamed loud enough to wake the dead) and once again found himself in KitchenSink standing a top RollingChairJr. The agent scooped him up.

CH entered Kidroom. The agent followed. CH went back to the crate. The agent followed. Knock over M.O.M.M.Y's chair ... the agent is there ... beat up the agents of D.I.A.P.E.R. ... the agent of D.A.D.D.Y. is there. TV... agent. CoD...agent. KitchenSink...agent.

Soon CH has nothing new to do and nowhere left that the agent can not follow him to. Tired the agent admits defeat and resigns himself to the endless night of torture.

And then the agent realizes CH is nowhere to be found so the search begins ...
Kidroom? nope. KitchenSink? nope. CoD? Nope. Chair? nope. Land of Bath? Nope.
Where could CH be? A sense of dread fills the agent as CH has now probably played Dump the Wet Coffee Grounds on the Floor or Change the Bear of Care to the Poo Bear of Care or any such apparently hilarious Hysteria game.

Resigned to spending the morning cleaning up the wreckage the agent heads back to headquuarters to rest...
Lo and behold there is CH fast asleep.
Apparently, CH had tried to invade the M.O.M.M.Y and D.A.D.D.Y. Headquarters one more time, bnut was unable to completely storm the Bed before the sweet caress of sleep overtook him. There he was on the edge of Bed with his little heade and arms and barely over the top and his legs dangling fast asleep.

The agent of D.A.D.D.Y place CH in Bed with the agent of M.OM.M.Y. and sat down to relax because he knows that this only serves to recharge the HysteriaCells and CH will be back all too soon.

Monday, January 16, 2006


What They Hear?

English: Please, get down off the shelf.
What They Hear: Hang on the shelf until I walk across the room and then hang on for as long as you can with your little arms while I tug and pull your little body away.


Yet More Translations

HysteriaSpeak Sentence: Daddy, tebbe ... tebbe
Translation: I found the remote control, pressed some random buttons, turned off the TV and knocked out all the batteries. Here's the remote for you to switch the TV on. Good luck finding all the batteries.

Saturday, January 14, 2006


The Blame Game

The one thing that I have learned with my careful study of Captain Hysteria and crew is that nothing is ever their fault.

Scenario 1: Princess Gwen has been exiled to the Land of Dolynn. The conversation goes like this:
PG: But it's not my fault?
AoD: So who's fault is it that your shoes are on the floor and not in the closet?
PG: Yours.
AoD: How is it my fault?
PG: You didn't tell me to put them in the closet.
AoD: Where do your shoes belong?
PG: In the Closet but it's your job to tell me to put them in there.
AoD: How many times do you have to be told?
PG: One.
AoD: How many times were you told today?
PG: I didn't count.
AoD: Was it more than one time?
PG: Yeah ... I think so.

Scenario 2: Remember Bear of Care?
Captain Hysteria brings the now Non-Singing Singing Bear of Care to the agent of D.A.D.D.Y. and places it on the agents lap.

CH: Broken
AoD: Yep, you microwaved it. It's broken.
AoD hands it back. CH pushes the button to make it sing. It doesn't sing. CH flips it upside down, unstraps the Velcro and reveals the underside of the NSSBoC. CH flips the ON/OFF switch, presses the button on the hand. Still no singing. CH hands it back to AoD.
AoD: It's broken.
CH cocks his head to the side, "Boken?"
AoD: Broken.
CH leaves NSSBoC with AoD.

Scenario 3:
Queen McKenzie is coloring with her crayons and CH comes up beside her. QM gives CH a crayon and CH breaks it in half.
QM: CH broke my crayon.
AoD: How did CH get your crayon?
QM: I gave it to him.
AoD: Didn't he break the last one you gave to him?
QM: CH broke my crayon.
AoD: Because you gave it to him.
QM: He broke it.

Scenario 4:
CH climbs unto the table and into the AoM's Bag of Goodies while AoD is in the land of Bath. CH retrieves some G.U.M. and dumps the contents of the BoG onto the floor. AoM is standing in the next room and CH is within sight. AoD comes out of the land of Bath.
AoM: Why didn't you stop CH?
AoD (thought): You can't see through the air to stop CH and you expect me to see through a door?
AoD: I was in the land of Bath.
AoM: Why didn't you stop CH?

Thursday, January 12, 2006


Phrase of the Day

KenzieSpeak: Pancake Thing
Translation: Syrup

Wednesday, January 11, 2006


Hysteria Games: I Got Your Nose

Captain Hysteria loves to play the game, I Got Your Nose. CH hasn't quite grasped the subtleties of the game. CH will pinch you nose, exclaim "I got your nose!" and then proceed to continue pinching your nose while laughing.

Variations of IGYH include:
I Got Your Eyeglasses where he removes your eye glasses from your face.
I Got My Fingers in Your Nose where he sticks multiple fingers in your nostrils
I Got My Fingers in Your Mouth where he shoves his little hand in your mouth.

Unlucky ones have made trips to the local eyeglass repairwoman. So many that she knows CH by sight. Queen Kenzie was also fond of IGYE.

The lucky ones are those that aren't forced to play IGMFIYM after having played IGMYFIYN.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006


"No No, Daddy"

In runs Captain Hysteria with a fanny pack and an airplane. "Hel me, Daddy!" he cries and hands them both to the agent of D.A.D.D.Y The agent places the plane in the pack and hand it back to CH. "No no, Daddy!"screams CH and hands them back.

The agent then unzips the pack and hands CH the airpland and the pack (unzipped). CH places the plane in the pack and hand it back to the agent with a "Hel me, Daddy."

The agent zips up the pack and hand it back to CH. CH place the pack over his head and slides out the chair. Turns arounds and says "Hel me, Daddy."

Clueless, the agent looks at CH who says "Hel me, Daddy" once again. The agent takes the pack from over CH head and hands it to CH. "No no, Daddy!"

The agent takes the pack back and puts it over CH head again. "No no, Daddy!"

CH realizing the the agent has no clue turns his left shoulder to the agent. The agent places the pack on CH's sholuder and off he goes with a "Tank you, Daddy."

One minute later, CH is back with the back and hands it to the agent. "No no, Daddy."

The agents unsnaps the clasp and hands it back to CH. CH snaps the clasps and hands it back to the agent. "No no, Daddy." The agent unclasps it and CH snaps it again. "No no, Daddy." The agent clasps it and CH snaps it back together and is off. "Tank you, Daddy"

Back once again CH, sits down and he's off again.

And he's back.

And he's off again.





Back and there is no pack.

The End.

Monday, January 09, 2006


More HysteriaSpeak

HysteriaSpeak: Bok lee
Translation: Broccoli

Sunday, January 08, 2006


Auto Wash ... au-to WASH

PB&J sandwiches are a common item. Most lunches are made up these. In fact. PB&J is so common when bread is taken out of the breadbag Captain Hysteria runs to the refrigerator to get the jelly.

Friday, January 06, 2006


Today Was a Good Day

Nothing to see here.

Thursday, January 05, 2006


The Continuing Cycle

Captain Hysteria is still in the habit of removing the work of agent D.I.A.P.E.R. and streaking through the house. However, ever since being banned for the land of Bath, after streaking CH will state "Go Potty. Go Potty." When the door is opened into the land of Bath, in he flies to sit on Potty, Jr with his little legs swinging in the air. He then gets up, climbs to the sink, washes his hands, climbs down, dries his hands and then lays down beside the agent of D.I.A.P.E.R.

After the agent is finished and CH is no longer in his Birthday Suit, he goes potty and thus the cycle continues.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006



Hysteria : Monkey
Usage in a sentence : Da-ee Monkey
Translation : Daddy, I want to watch the Curious George DVD

Hysteria : Cupmilk
Usage in a sentence : Cupmilk
Translation : Daddy, I want some tea.

BizarroSpeak Sentence : I accidentally kicked, X
Translation : X was bothering me so I kicked X because I like living in Time Out.


Must Obey Barney

Captain Hysteria's favorite show is Barney. When the purple dinosaur is on television, CH is mesmerized. When you want CH to calm down, you sing "I love you/You love me."

The agent of M.O.M.M.Y. is getting ready for duty and it's time for Hysteria hibernation. This means that CH is overall just grumpy and whiny. CH was playing in the land of Bath with the agent of M.O.M.M.Y. and the Little People Ferris Wheel.

Having given up playing with the LPFW, CH began to become a menace in the land of Bath. Out of no where, the agent of D.A.D.D.Y. appears singing the Barney clean-up song. Trying to fight off the effect of the song. CH grabs the LPFW and brandishes as a weapon. Running towards the agent of D.A.D.D.Y., CH yells "Stop! Stop!" The agent stops singing as he chuckles and CH drops LPFW and returns to the land of Bath.

The agent begins to sing again and CH runs to grab LPFW while screaming "Stop! Stop!"once again. As he gets to the LPFW and CH realizes that the agent is still singing and grabs the LPFW and .....

CH returns it to Kidroom.

Barney is a very power weapon. Wield it with restraint.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006



In the land of Kitchen there exists the Chair of Time Out. The CoTO is generally reserved for the queen, but every now and then Captain Hysteria likes to visit the chair as the chair's seat is about 3.5 feet in the air. Oh yeah, the CoTO is located right beside Light Switch which thereby gives CH control of darkness.

So after Queen McKenzie serves her sentence on CoTO, CH stands near the chair and whines "Huh, huh." That roughly translates to "Up, up." That means "Put me on the CoTO." The agent of D.A.D.D.Y. looks at the agent of M.O.M.M.Y. and says, "He just wants to turn off the light." The M.O.M.M.Y. agent says, "No , he just wants to sit in the chair."

The agent of M.O.M.M.Y. lifts CH into the air and places him on the CoTO. CH looks at the agent of D.A.D.D.Y. and smiles.

Darkness falls and the agent of D.A.D.D.Y. smiles in the darkness.

Monday, January 02, 2006


Sarah, Susie and Marley

In my time here with Captain Hysteria, Queen McKenzie and Princess Gwen, I have failed to tell you about Sarah, Susie and Marley. I'll keep it nice and short.

Sarah is Princess Gwen's horse. She has skates and spends a lot of time with the agents of M.O.M.M.Y. and D.A.D.D.Y.

Susie is Queen McKenzie's bear. We really had no choice with Susie and Sarah. They where part of a Mother's Day gift and have been with us ever since. Susie came fully dresssed, but spends most of her time wanderign around naked.

Marley is Captain Hysteria's lion. The agents felt that since both PG and QM had animals of their own, CH needed one as well. A lion was chosen and thus namely because of CH's namesake.

And like that the family of 5 became the family of 7 and later 8 as the agents would leave CH, QM, and PG behind before they lost track of of Susie, Sarah and Marley. (mainly because S,S, and M don't whine and cry when they are separated from PG, QM and CH.)


Captain Hysteria New Year

For all those that want to know how the new year is with Captain Hysteria this is how it has gone so far ...
1 Jan 06
Nothing special occurred. CH is obviously planning something HUGE.

2 Jan 06
CH has taking to painting recently and he uses the most natural of all paints. He produces his own paint so you have to watch him fairly carefully. The agent of D.I.A.P.E.R. provides the palette for said paint and it creates a huge mess. Because of this the agents of M.O.M.M.Y. and D.A.D.D.Y. have been keeping and extra special eye on CH.

CH had just woken up from his daily nap. The nap serves to recharge his Hysteria powers without the nap he is sluggish and grumpy. After said nap he was off to find the Queen and Princess for they always have some new adventure to get into.

Apparently, CH was unhappy with them as the smell of Hysteria paint began to permeate the air. The agent of D.A.D.D.Y. goes to check the location of the smell along with the agents of W.I.P.E.S. and D.I.A.P.E.R. Expecting the usual Hysteria clean-up they were unprepared for what they found.

As they cornered the bed and headed to the CH's Crib, CH pops his head out and waves. CH's hand are covered with Hysteria paint. Upon closer inspection the agents learn that CH has spilled his paint on the bed and painted the crib. In quickly grabbing CH, the agent of D.A.D.D.Y. discovers that there is more paint on the ground. That paint is now the agent's foot.

Quick as a flash the agent scoops up CH and heads to the land of Bath. CH is cleaned, the agent's pants are cleaned and the bedding, floor and crib are clean.

If you remember, CH has been banned from the land of Bath due to the Toilet of Terror. So as soon as he is cleaned up and ready to go, the first thing he does is grab Sarah's skate and attempt to recreate the ToT. The agent reacts quickly and is able to grab the Sarah's skate from its new swimming pool.

After all this, every thing now cleaned-up and back and order. What does CH have to say for himself?

"Ad he bul my fe ger"

I don't know what it means. The closest translation I can find is "Daddy, pull my finger."

It's only second day of the new year ... this doesn't bode too well for the rest of the year.

Sunday, January 01, 2006


Happy New Year!!

There is no story. This is just another warning for everyone thinking about having children.


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